Me getting naked before shooting foot fetish video

I took the weekend off from going online…and I’m paying for it this morning…lol.  I have a TON of emails to respond to but I do love hearing from all my fellow perverts out there..it makes me WET to read some of their emails.  So I made the conscious decision Friday night that I was going to enjoy being in the REAL world over the weekend and stay out of the “virtual” world for a couple of days.  It’s good to clear out your mind from time to time, at least it is for me.  I find that I come back from one of these internet “respits” feeling invigorated and refreshed, ready to take on the world with a clear head. 

So I had a great weekend, starting with going to my FAVORITE restaurant of all time…The Olive Garden.. please stop laughing now.  I know, I know, I hear it all the time:  why would such a skilled cook as yourself  like to go to a place like that?  Short answer…I like to take a break from cooking from time to time!  So I had some Chicken Marsalla and some Peroni beer and was enjoying life.  The Tuscan potatoes that were the side dish were a HUGE disappointment though.  You can’t win them all I guess.  But here is the most exciting part about this weekend:  I spent the whole weekend from Friday night to last night practicing my anal skills….yes you read correctly…my ANAL SKILLS!!  I started out by watching several of the seven DVDs I wrote about last week that were sent to me by my fan Mark from N.Y.  Now at this point I must admit a very deep and dark, well-kept secret about myself….I LOVE to watch anal sex on film or in real life…always have.  The problem is that I have had a disconnect when it comes to performing it myself.  Don’t get me wrong…I have done it before and survived, obviously.  But I guess I had a mental block that would usually prevent me from doing it more frequently.  However, just the very site of a girl taking a big, fat cock in her ass makes me instantly WET like a river….for real.  And if she takes more than one guy, as in DP or more, holy shit, you better put me on some rubber sheets or you’ll be laundering for a month….lol.  I have ALWAYS thought that anal was hot…I always choose anal-themed porn when i view or purchase any myself..and it is already a well-established fact that I LOVE to take on more than one cock at a time.  Therefore, I have decided I need to make a concerted effort to “get over” my mental block regarding anal sex and have fun with it.

So I popped in a DVD with lots of anal and DP and sat down to enjoy the show.  I “broke the ice” by using the big dildo that Mark sent me and carefully worked it “balls deep” in my ass after lots and lots of patience…and KY jelly.  The girls on the screen were getting double-stuffed and I was in awe…wanting SO BADLY to feel the sensations and pleasure of the DP…but mentally still harboring an intense feeling of fear.  I watch it on screen and it looks so HOT…the total sense of surrender…giving all your body to the studs..laying back and saying “take my nasty fuck holes boys…all three of ‘em!”  I shudder as I think about it right now.  But my tight little back door gradually got used to the sensations and I sat there and used my pocket-rocket on my clit as my pucker became used to the feeling of being “filled” to the brim.  I had a TREMENDOUS orgasm just sneak up on me…totally unannounced and unexpectedly…and all I can say in retrospect is WOW !!  After that experience it was nothing but unadulterated pleasure…I got my FIRST EVER DP…sort of…on Saturday night.  Basically I left the dildo in my backdoor and got nailed in the front door and ladies…all I can say is…it is EVERYTHING they say it is…and MORE…much more.  I had to get used to the sensation of being “stuffed” but after the feeling passed it was a piece of cake…really.  To the guys out there with ladies that are like I was…they want to try but they are too scared…patience, patience, patience…lots of lube…and lots more patience will yield you INCREDIBLE orgasms and she will fall asleep, as I did all weekend, feeling satiated.

I am applying myself so that I can ultimately do DP on camera…that’s my goal.  But in the meantime I guess I will just keep practicing…and keep cumming.

Trees EVERYWHERE

Last night I spent the evening enjoying my toys from Mark, the BBC stud FAN I have from N.Y.   I watched one and a half of the 7 VERY hot, interracial DVDs he sent me.  Very…um…stimulating…to say the least..lol.  I used my new black-dong to hammer my little tight hole while I watched all these little, tiny white girls (like my size) taking these mammoth black cocks in their mouths, pussies and ASSES…that’s right…their ASSES!  OMG, I was in absolute and complete AWE!  As I have said before I am currently “working” on my anal skills, my timetable is to be an “anal SLUT” by year’s end…lol.  Anyway, all I can say is WOW !  I have to give a “5 thumbs up” to “Fuck my WHITE Ass #6″…GREAT movie!  THANKS again Mark!

Yesterday I did an interview with a writer from “European Maxim” magazine.  He came to speak to me about the porn biz, do I like it, what do you like about it, etc.  It was a lot of fun and I enjoyed doing it.  He also took some pics of me around my home..sorry I was clothed…lol.  His name is Frank and he is planning on writing a “coffee-table” book about porn, porn stars and their personal lives.  It sounds like an interesting project and I am looking forward to being a part of it.  It should be published sometime in mid 2010.  I will keep you all posted.

Well I am back to work…shooting some content over the next few days.  Updates and movies will be forthcoming when Mike gets back from his fishing trip in Mexico beach…good luck Mike.  I will be waiting for my fish you are bringing over for me to cook for you….lol.  Btw…cum follow my “tweets” on Twitter at www.twitter.com/LindseyLovehand  (I know it sucks…Twitter doesn’t allow for enough characters for the ‘S’ in Lovehands).  I will be talking to you all soon…much love…xoxoxo Lindsey

P.S.   You see that mess in that pic?  That’s the mess going on around my house….YUCK!

Gifts from Mark....a FAN from N.Y.

Went to my P.O. box this morning and found an AWESOME surprise…a box full of goodies from a fan of mine in Bayshore, N.Y. named Mark..he knows who he is.  He is a truly great guy and although we have never met, at least not yet, I can tell from his emails he is an honest and sincere guy.  Anyway, I open this box from Mark and inside I discover a virtual treasure-trove of goodies from a very expensive suction-cup mounted big, black cock (that I am sure I will be getting many hours of pleasure from….beginningTODAY…lol), to a “pocket-rocket” vibrator (I have wanted one of those FOREVER but just never got around to buying one for myself), a very nice set of anal beads (I am working towards becoming an anal lover), and finally, a smorgasbord of seven full-length DVDs of porn debauchery…right up my alley…heh heh!  And to Mark..when my DVD cums out you can be sure that you will be getting an auto-graphed copy.  Love ‘ya baby!

Mark’s kindness and much-unexpected generosity, has once again restored my faith in humanity…lol.  But seriously, there are a lot of COOL people in the world and it kinda makes you feel good, ya know?  Call me a sap, I dunno.

Here I am having a beer and a smile...

Every so often I will get into an “introspective” mood and deliberate, in my mind, such “heady” issues as the national debt, health care reform…lol, the dwindling intelligence level in America…and so on.  I could list fifty things and probably never scratch the surface.  And it is true, no matter how hard you may find it to believe that, even though I am in porn I still have a brain….lol.  Nevertheless I ruminate over things in my head, as we all do, from time to time.  But today I started thinking about the motivations of people that act in weird ways.  For example, what would possess someone to spend all this “foreplay” time with me on the phone and internet and then when faced with ACTUALLY meeting me…flake out?

Since getting into this business I have met a TON of super-cool people.  The casual observer/outsider of porn would probably assume, wrongly of course, that the adult movie business is full of seedy low-lifes, old-men perverts, and generally the “flotsum and jetsum” of the world.  It has been my experience, however, that MOST people in the business, whether they be producers, directors, photographers or talent, are really down-to-earth people with somewhat abnormally high sex-drives…lol.  Well, that’s an accurate description of me anyway.  I have worked for big companies and small, amateur and pro, and have found that there are a lot of jerks out there, but I would hazzard to guess that the percentage is no higher than in the general, non-porn, population.  What is of more importance to me is how the world has gravitated towards the impersonal ways of social interaction.  Please do not get me wrong…I LOVE to blog, I love to meet and talk to new people, I think that technologies like Twitter and Myspace are great to an extent…they enable swift exchanges of information between people scattered throughout the world.  Before the internet the only way to do that was via the telephone, and it was far more expensive to CALL your relative in another country to tell them about little Johnnie’s first grade play than it is to “tweet” them.  I applaud technologies which enable us to do “more with less” but what are we really accomplishing at the end of the day? 

I believe that the so-called “social networking” sites are actually de-sensitizing us to all things that are actually “social”.  I mean when you are “tweeting” someone on the other side of the world, OR the other side of the block, how do you know who you are really talking to?  And how do you know that it really IS a guy, or a girl, or a whatever?  And more importantly, when things become impersonal it makes it easier for people to mis-treat eachother.  At least that’s my opinion.  Think about it…..in today’s military we have soldiers sitting in a bunker somewhere in the Nevada desert, looking at a TV monitor and flying Predator drones with Playstation 3-like controls, over some huts in Afghanistan and bombing and killing people that they NEVER see.  I am not trying to get into a debate over war, politics or our military.  I am merely pointing out how technology has taken SO many personal elements out of our day-to-day lives and relegated them to the trash heap of irrelevance.  Why invest time to understand an issue when you can just “Google” it and read some other asshole’s opinion of what the issue is.  Why think for yourself when you can let someone else do your thinking for you? 

But the REAL victim in all this is our humanity…that’s right…our humanity.  When you are investing so little in “getting to know” someone then what do you care about their lives, their TRUE personalities, their likes and dislikes, etc?  And therefore, when you SAY you want to meet someone and then decide that something else is more important…who cares?  You just ditch the bitch for the football game, or the concert, or the always-popular “Contemplation of navel-lint” seminar at the local college.  It is a sad day when a bitch can’t even GIVE the pussy away…lol.  But seriously…I would love to hear what others think about this proliferation of “impersonalness” (is that actually a word?).   Please write me and tell me what you think.  I am calling on all my fans to weigh- in on social-networking.  What are the pros and cons in your minds?  I will await your replies and continue this as an ongoing series of blog articles.   Your SLUT…xoxoxo Lindsey

Me in Miami

I am shooting a Kel-Tec 32 caliber pistol...I LOVE guns !!

The other day I decided I needed a break from all the business of porn…I mean I have lots of great people I talk to and email every day and have plans to meet LOTS of interesting new people.  But sometimes, amongst all the ”Myspacing”  I’m giving to guys so that they will eventually “tweet” all over my “Facebook” , a girl gets stressed out.  I know what your thinking…”how can you have multiple orgasms on any given day, get nailed by tons of big porn cocks AND have some of the finest women on the planet eat your snatch…and have the audacity to call that ‘WORK’ …and then claim to be stressed by it all?”   Well boys and girls…it’s true, even a cock-crazed, jizz-addicted cum-dumpster like me gets stressed.  And what do I do to relieve said stress…you may ask?  I shoot guns.  That’s right, I shoot firearms in my back-yard target range.  Well, in reality I live so far away from any neighbor that I feel safe to shoot off my second-story master bedroom balcony, aim at the beer cans strewn on the ground, and call this a “target range” …of sorts.  Anyway, I like to shoot, I have been a BIG fan of the Second Amendment LONG before it was cool for chicks to dig guns…lol.

I like shooting guns so much that I will be shooting a video soon of me shooting lots of cool guns, both clothed and NUDE…I can hardly wait…my nipples are already hard!  But I thought that people might be interested to know that I LOVE making guns go ‘BOOM’ every chance I get.  After I pop off a few rounds I start to feel calmer…more in charge.  I know this is hard to understand for an outsider, but somehow I feel relieved as I continue to pump off round after round, until the magazine or revolver or shotgun is spent, then I sit still for a second. My mind is awash in the smell of gunpowder and the tin-tin “clink” of the spent shell-casings hitting the wood of the deck.  My legs get a little wobbly, just like after a good night of pounding by a room full of well-equipped boy-toys.  I realize the power that is in my hands…the unadulterated fury which it possesses.  And then I wonder…what was I stressed-out about again?

Waiting outside Applebees for the "Eleven-Incher" that never came...

Well I have to admit being TOTALLY offline since Friday morning…and it was GREAT!  I was planning, for those of you who read my Myspace blog ( www.myspace.com/lindseylovehands), on meeting a supposed “fan” in person.  That’s right…we were coversing regarding another business arrangement involving me hosting an event at a nightclub in Las Vegas (supposedly run by his Dad)…and during those conversations it …came up..that he “said” he had an eleven-inch cock.  He even sent me pics…of what looked like a REAL nice piece of meat that Mommy wanted to play with.  So we texted like MAD…I received over three-hundred texts over 24 hours…and even SPOKE on the phone three times..including as recently as 3 hours before our arranged meet time of 4pm.  We spoke and decided that 5pm would be better and so at ten minutes to 5pm EST I pulled into the Applebees parking lot…expecting to meet “Mr. Long-Dong” but instead spent two hours drinking to no avail.   The guy must have been some poser who grabbed pics off the net of his supposed-physique, when in reality, he’s a 59 year-old, overweight LOSER who has a 3 inch pecker!  This guy told me he wanted to “spoil” me and had sent me a Tiffany’s necklace and a $500.00 check to my P.O. Box …ha ha ha yeah right!  Oh…and he also “bought” me a new cell phone because I had told him how my battery was losing its life, and THAT was interfering with  his ability to speak/text with his new “love”….lol.  Nevertheless…lesson learned….Myspace and the rest of the internet is full of weirdos.

So my article on www.mikesouth.com entitled “The Sex-Toy Conspiracy” had been published on the digital version of “Creative Loafing” which is an eclectic magazine published and distributed in Atlanta (although I do believe there are other versions in other cities).  So check out http://atlanta.creativeloafing.com/gyrobase/index  and look under the “Sex & Vice” section. 

Next Monday, August 24th, I will be shooting content for my sites with Mike South and we will have a special guest for “Maxim” magazine along for the ride.  I am SO EXCITED about this!!  Also, on the SAME night I will be premiering my FIRST EVER webcam show !!  I have a lot of other “special” announcements cumming soon so be on the lookout and read my blog bitches….!!

Me getting pics taken at a shoot...in a shower I REALLY REALLY liked !!

All this work around the house and yard have made me start thinking about “other” things to do around the house…kind of like MY “dream” honey-do list of projects I would LIKE to do and eventually WILL do…someday.  I have a pretty nice home…it’s no “MTV Cribs” house but it’s not a dump either.  I am pretty happy with everything we have done with the exception of two glaring deficiencies:  the kitchen and my master bath.  Now understand, in my master bedroom we have a four-person hot tub in the middle of the floor, which sits in front of a full end-to-end, wall-to-ceiling, mirror.  It’s pretty fucking HOT if you ask me…. MEMBERS can see it in some of my videos, and will see it many more times I’m sure.  The problem is, however, that I don’t think the shower and vanity area are befitting the rest of the master.  I currently have a standard, cheap-looking double vanity and a fiberglass shower insert with a curtain….a curtain…and have underwent the rigors of daily bathing in facilities un-becoming the rest of my surroundings..lol.  What I REALLY want is to TEAR it all the hell out and replace with marble tile walls and a bunch of heads built into the wall…you know the kind…you can adjust the heads to go anywhere you want?  AND there is one of those, as I like to call them “pussy-eating/cock-sucking” seats built into the wall that you can sit on.  How HOT is that?  That’s what I’m talking about!  I have even included a pic from a shoot I did where you can get the “flavor” of what I’m talking about.

The bottom line is that I abhor my master bathroom, I CANNOT WAIT to replace it, and I NEED to do this as soon as possible.  I am a pretty good “Susy home-maker” in my own right; that’s right…not only do I suck a mean cock but I cook VERY well, I can paint, refinish furniture, re-sheetrock a room,  but I draw the line at cutting and laying tile.  I will be contacting a contractor friend soon…I have some ideas for the kitchen too..I wonder how much of a discount I can su..I mean..weasle out of him…lol.

Me in between pics for shoot ...in my HOME

After beginning what is proving to be a LONG, LONG, LONG process of major yard maintenance, I had a moment, as I was licking my wounds, applying bug repellent and neosporin to my various scratches, cuts and bruises, to reflect on home ownership.  While it is true that owning a home is the quintessential “American Dream” in it’s purest form…who says that a “home” has to be a “house”?  Why can’t it be a condo?  Condos have all the accoutrement of a so-called “home”, things such as doors (with doorknobs), windows, walls and a roof.  Condos provide shelter from the elements just as “houses” do; condos keep you warm in the winter and cool in the summer, just like a “house”; condos have kitchens where you can prepare wonderful meals to nourish your family; bathrooms are usually present in condos as well, in the event that the inevitable call from nature arrives.  The list goes on and on.  So you may ask yourself: self…just what is the advantage of owning a “house” over that of a condo?

The long answer to that very short question is an unmistakably and unequivocal ….not a DAMN thing.  I’m sure there are those of you out there that are shaking your heads as you read this saying “there are a lot of advantages to owning a ’house’ versus a condo”.  My reply to that statement is “name ONE”.  Seriously.  Let’s enumerate the obvious “pros” you hear when talking about home ownership, shall we?

1. With a home you have your own castle…your own piece of dirt that YOU own, your homestead, and no one can take that away from you.  You are “king of your own castle”.  My reply to that is …who fucking cares?  Listen, there is a reason most kings throughout history have been beheaded.  Historical revisionism will tell you it’s was because of their poor ruling styles or that they were mean to their people and they were overthrown, or they ran their kingdom into bankruptcy.  The REAL truth is they cut their own fuckin’ heads off because they were tired of the never-ending work involved in “owning a home”.  That’s right….Ann Bolyn had her own head cut off because she was tired of trying to fix the leaking roof at Buckingham Palace while Henry VIII was busy running around Europe looking for ass.  When faced with cracks in the walls and a settling foundation Ann Bolyn threw up her arms and said “fuck it…does anyone just want to cut my head off and put me out of my home ownership misery?”  Do you think that it’s mere coincidence that the world is all but devoid of  “kings” any longer?  Me thinks not fair lads and lasses…there are no more kings because they all moved to high-rises in Boca.
2. With a home you have “privacy” that multi-family living just can’t provide.  While it is true that if you have a house, particularly as I do, that is somewhat remote and not squeezed into one of these modern “zero lot-line” subdivisions where you can reach out your window and perform a rectal exam on your neighbor, you DO have some additional privacy.  I can walk around my house at any time of the day or night, totally in the nude, and not worry about being seen.  And I have a LOT of windows in the house too.  I have had some interesting parties at my house where there were MANY nude people wandering around and no one, to my knowledge, ever was the wiser to what was going on.  We have even filmed scenes in broad daylight and not been compromised by “nosy neighbors”.  But I’m wondering…is that a good thing?  Don’t get me wrong,  I don’t want to have the ten year old neighbor kid peaking into my windows and catching me in some debauchery which will then require a lifetime of mood stabilizers and intense therapy to forget.  I mean, I do not want this poor child to think that his “first girlfriend” is going to be as thrilled as I am to be tied up to a bondage cross while 8 men and a midget circus-performer have their way with me.  That is strictly for us professionals.  But, I am an exhibitionist, and with all these trees how will the ten year-old’s DAD be able to see me naked wandering through my “castle”?  I mean I have been trying to get that son-of-a-bitch’s attention for two years now.  He’s kinda cute you know.  In a condo…all I need to do is take my trash to the chute once or twice in the nude…he’s MINE.
3. With a home you have a piece of “terra firma” and we all know God is NOT making any more real estate.  With the UTMOST repect to God…HE can keep terra firma, and all the tree pruning, lawn cutting, re-roofing, gutter-cleaning, pressure washing, weeding, planting, painting, ant-hill treating, mulching, trash taking-out, blah, blah, blah…ad nauseum…that goes along with it.  I would rather spend that valuable time doing other things that bring me pleasure…like gangbangs.  Condos have these wonderful things called “HOAs” and they charge things called “HOA dues” and THAT means some other poor soul has to worry about all that BS.  Damn straight….leaves more time for cock-sucking.
4. Houses typically, unless your condo is on the water, will appreciate faster than a condo.  What appreciation?  Values are now dropping faster than my panties at a swing club. 

So in summation, I have NOT been able to discern ANY advantages to owning a house versus a condo.  In point of fact , I believe I identified a few very solid reasons NOT to own a house.  Besides, condos almost always have pools and I can lay out nude there.  I hope the blue-haired crowd doesn’t mind too much.

The birthday cake I baked last week

I have felt better than I do today…I think I just have picked up a 24 or 48 hour bug type thing.    Anyway I decided to cook some fish, tilapia to be precise…I am not a HUGE fan of fish per se, but over the last few years I have started experimenting and have come to enjoy some fish.  When I was in Miami last month I went to the “Rustic Inn” crabhouse and had some awesome Aahi tuna.  I like tuna fish but have never really eaten tuna fillets before that.  Over the last year I have “broken down” and eaten for the FIRST time the following:  mussels (I know it’s a mollusk not a fish), shark, tuna, tilapia, clams (again…NOT fish I know), mackerel and grouper.  I have enjoyed them all, in varying degrees, but I have come to the realization that if I’m going to eat fish I would rather prepare it myself.  I love to cook, as I have stated before, so it’s really no skin off my nose.  As I have experimented with various recipes in my never-ending quest to prepare fish that doesn’t taste like fish, I realized that it’s NOT that fish is bad, it’s usually the chef…lol.

Well, to make a long story short I have created the ULTIMATE way to prepare tilapia with a home-made and seasoned bread crumb-crust that is TO DIE FOR if I do say so myself.  Throw in some garlic-mash potatoes and some fresh broccoli flowers and you have got yourself a meal.  And I prepared this fabulous meal all while having a 100 degree temperature and generally feeling pretty yucky.  But hey, I’m a trouper.  I’m the type woman who looks forward to Thanksgiving just because I get to cook…lol…I know it sounds crazy but it’s true.  I bet it comes as a big surprise to you that a girl who loves to have sex on camera is ALSO a great cook, but hey…a bitch has got to eat too right?

The "CDs on the nipple" movie ranking system is NOW in effect

“So you run the underground “homo” railroad?”  …uttered the protagonist from the hysterical movie “But I’m a Cheerleader”, a delicious comedy centered on a young high-school girl whose parents have opted to send her to “rehab” for frustrated homosexuals who either haven’t or can’t, come out of the closet.  The beginning of the  movie shows our heroine having conflicting thoughts about her fellow cheer squad members.  She can’t decide if she wants to learn the new cheer choreography OR eat her fellow cheerleader’s pussies.  The “scared straight” role of  the camp counselor is played by Rupaul BUT he/she isn’t in drag, rather he is full-on man in this movie…sort of like an effeminate brigadier general.  The cast is also full of great names in supporting roles like Richard Moll (Bull form “Night Court”) and Cathy Moriarty (“Copland”) who plays the fervently anti-homosexual camp director.

The movie is chock-full of ribald,  sexual innuendo and funny premises.  Let’s face it…can you honestly think of anything funnier than 6′ 6″ Richard Moll wearing eyeliner and speaking with a lisp while waxing nostalgically about why his “life partner” doesn’t value his opinions or feelings anymore?  I know I can’t…lol.  So if you are ever channel surfing and come across this movie and wonder whether you should watch it…I give it an “8 CDs on the nipple” out of a possible 10 CDs.  

Much love …xoxoxo Lindsey